“As I began to love myself I freed myself of anything that is no good for my health – food, people, things, situations, and everything that drew me down and away from myself. At first I called this attitude a healthy egoism. Today I know it is “love of oneself”. ”
“As I Began to Love Myself”
Charlie Chaplin
Somewhere along in life, I came up with some odd ideas about putting myself last. Somehow, that felt pretty balanced to me. I thought that being a good person meant putting others needs before your own. I thought it was a noble, selfless way of giving, and showing honor. Everyone else’s needs took high priority overmine; it got to a point where I wasn’t even sure what my needs were because they had been pushed aside for so long. It was not uncommon for me to put asidebasic self care (sleep, nourishment, hydration) and self-love (via negative self-talk, denying the things that bring me pleasure), – in order to accommodate otherswho weren’t aware of my “sacrifice”, which often left me feeling unappreciated and unfulfilled.
In the end, my “self-sacrifice” brought me poor health, burn out, exhaustion, resentment, confusion, and unhappiness. In addition, I had created some personaland professional relationships that were not only out of balance, but downright invective & insolent. Of course I had attracted these relationships – I didn’t honor myself, how could I expect others to honor me? I was abusing myself, on some level, and attracting the very same type of relationship that I had with myself. The universe put those people in my life to show me examples of exactly where I was out of alignment, to show me people that had put aside themselves to put effort towards others – people that were enabling others, hiding secrets, “protecting” others, accepting disrespect and/or abuse, and oftentimes writhing in self-loathing.The second commandment in the Bible warns of worshipping false idols. As a young child (growing up Roman Catholic), I assumed they were referring to say…. Buddha or Ganesh. Now, I have some different interpretations (one of them being worshipping false idols such as: fear, worry, doubt, feelings of inadequacy,un-deservingness, or unworthiness).
Now I believe that the second commandment is referencing putting others before yourself. If we, in fact, are God & have God within ourselves, (“Do you notknow that you are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit dwells within you?” Corinthians 3:16) then, by putting others before ourselves would indeed be a form of worshipping a false idol, as you are failing to honor and nurture the divinity within yourself, and deeming others more important than you. If you are still doubtingthe importance of self care & self love, or telling yourself fictional stories like “well, I just don’t have time for that….I have children or, I care for my ailing mother, or,my job takes up too much time to allow for that” then, I highly recommend that you read Anita Moorjani’s Dying To Be Me: My Journey From Cancer, To NearDeath, To True Healing Moorjani tells of suffering with lymphoma for nearly four years. Riddled with lemon-sized tumors, finally her organs begin shutting down,and her family gathers for her passing. She, however, doesn’t die. She has a near-death experience, comes back to her body, and leaves the hospital weeks later, cancer-free.
I was moved to tears by this book, particularly in her references and revelations about self love & self care. The tears came as I realized that, at times, I hadtreated myself worse than I’ve ever treated any other human being that I’ve ever come into contact with. I felt such sorrow and shame and regret for treating myselfthis way. I wouldn’t even send my food back at a restaurant for fear of bothering the waiter or hurting the cook’s feelings. I’d speed to accommodate the stress-ball driver in the mini-van behind me. I’d go without a meal because I didn’t want to make someone wait five minutes. I’d silence my voice and opinions for fear of a backlash of anger, or judgment, or ridicule. I’d agree to work on my day off, even when my body and my mind screamed for rest, and & I had a pile of laundry thesize of Mt. Kilimanjaro to tackle. I’d agree to take on things for others, even when my plate was full.
Moorjani explains “many of us still believe that we have to work at being loving, but that means living in duality, because there’s a giver and a receiver……If I carefor myself, then I automatically feel the same for you” (139). She adds “you can’t give away what you don’t have. To say that I hold another in higher regard than
myself isn’t real and means I’m only performing. People automatically get your love because of a result of self-love” (140). http://anitamoorjani.com/
I am still perfecting self-love and self-care. I realize that it’s something that is very often not encouraged in our hard-working American culture, as we might be perceived as selfish, or self-absorbed, or greedy. On the other hand, maybe it’s the exact thing that we are lacking. Maybe it’s what we’re forgetting to teach our children. Perhaps it’s exactly the lack of self-love that keeps us indulging in our unhealthy habits, only to be left feeling sad and unfulfilled. Seek the love on the inside, and you will attract love all sorts of beautiful ways from the outside, bringing in a beautiful symbiotic flow of affection and appreciation.
Karen Eld is an energy healer who practices at Soul Source. See Karen Eld’s bio on the Associates tab for more about Karen’s philosophy and healing modalities.Call to schedule an appointmentFebruary 28, 2013
